Outrageous enlightenment from the rightâ„¢

Thursday, April 29, 2004

As a moral conservative, I'm voting for Kerry, the next president. Yes, my fellow Republicans, you need to vote for Kerry because .snicker., it's a big setup! It was so much easier to amuse ourselves during the Clinton follies. Plus, the Rush guffaw and Coulter shrill are so much better suited for penis than Specter. I (gieve) enjoy phallic topics more and the AM radio ratings for Rush fare better with a Democrat in the white house. A vote for Kerry is a neocon* win around the table. Come November don't forget that he's not stupid, of course Bush Knew. Like Nixon, Bush knows fact foraging, or rather fact forging, is the best way to promote an agenda. It's so much more effective than the truth. Join me in taking pride that coercion, not stupidity setup a deep hole for the presidency in 2005. I plan to sit back, snuggle with my Ann Coulter doll, and laugh with Rush as Kerry tries to dig his way out of the trap we set for him. But setting a trap is hardly the best thing:

As for Bush, it's a big Mission Accomplished! He only needed four years, but hardly broke a sweat at the Ranch to complete the neocon (shh, I think it's still supposed to be a secret) agenda. History will remember him more efficient than Nixon; Nixon wasted all that time in China, causing his agenda to need that dreadful second term. Bush has completed his agenda, now it's time to spring our trap for Kerry this November. This is why I ask you to join me with your vote for the unsuspecting Dem. I know that's a mouthful but let me set the stage so you will understand:

Thanks to Joe McCarthy, we took out the commies. If not for that damn JFK we could have nuked them as well. Bush takes the politics of McCarthy, the methods of Nixon, empowers them with the wealth of Cheney, and applies it to war against Arabs and their evil attack camel spiders. The strategy is so perfect! I'm so excited that I have to twist my nipples and pee. O Rapture. Ahhh. O the neocon bliss. O the relief. I digress. Back to the praise for Bush. Get ready to write to your congressmen. In addition to your sucker-punch vote for Kerry, I have an idea as to how we can pull together to show our collective gratitude for Bush. My friends, the gieve bill:

Congress will change the pledge to say "Under Bush's God" instead of the unspecific "Under God". I find the latter does not rile the liberals enough. If there is a more appropriate and lasting farewell gift from congress, I can't imagine what it would be. I digress again. How embarrassing. In the Bush press conference style I digress in a digression. A tactic I use against my mother (reminds me I need to call her). But I assure you, fellow Republicans, it was an honest accident. Afk a second... new diaper, thanks mom, sorry it was a NastyDiaper. Ahem. Enough about my gratitude and my diapers:

Back to my important point related to McCarthyism and the great Red Scare. History will call it Bushism and remember me, gieve, as the one who coined it. To the populous and academia alike it will come to mean the great the new era of Arab McCarthyism. I will be both rich(tm) and famous. What Mother? Bushism already means something else? Damn my magic beans! Are you sure? Is the great Arab Scare taken? My Annie never says Bushism. Barnacles, Barnacles, Barnacles! I'm so mad that I could crap. Again.

Final props to my boy Rove chop blocking those annoying no-agenda McCain/Lincoln Republicans. Good riddance Jeffords, why couldn't you take McCain with you?

I've had my say, now piss off already.

*neocons are Republicans of the crusading variety. That's the quick definition of a neocon. I think a better definition of a Neo-Conservative is to describe what they are not; Take the Republican party, remove all of the smaller government fiscal conservatives such as John McCain. What remains are the Neo Conservatives. Neocons. They are then separated into two very distinct groups. The largest, group one, are the people below the 99th income percentile. They are religous and/or war-mongering blowhard lemmings who follow the second group; The second group is made up of the top one percent. They cut taxes for themselves, borrow trillions (second term pending), and their behavior is largely the subject of this blog. Of necessity, they pay Rove to pipe tabloid for the Rats. Lemmings rather. Whichever, they both work.
Yes the author is angry. But more scared than angry. Please put down the red pom-pom start paying attention. If you have any comments, which I welcome, contact NastyDiaper in Al Franken's forumn (anti-spam).

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